lets start a swedish sibling band together
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
