mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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