Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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