It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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