i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
third nipple confirmed
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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