I murdered the dance floor call the cops
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
