im six kinds of drunk right now
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
