Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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