I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
