does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
handjob tips. give me some.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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