I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
