I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
