last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
