Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize