And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
