just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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