I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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