His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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