Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
