I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
