So drunk its hurt
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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