i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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