I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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