You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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