y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
