ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
