how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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