Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to stop coming to work sober
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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