goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize