I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize