....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
