Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
