you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
