I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
