Quick, to the slutcave!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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