i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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