can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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