I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
dude. I can hear the air.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
