I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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