I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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