god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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