if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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