Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
