Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
