It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
