"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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