I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We are all done wearing pants today
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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