i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
