I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
