All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
