My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
