i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
