I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
