WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Houston, we have a squirter
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
