pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
