Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
