Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
