Duck Duck Cougar?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize