You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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