Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize