My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
