Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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