Where did you get a picture of my penis
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
