I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
