I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
