Can Purell be used as lube?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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