I think i peed on brittanys purse
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
