She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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