i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
