You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
